OUR LADY OF THE TERRAZZO
Since our co-workers no longer find it amusing when, on answering the phone, we yell out, “Hey M____, someone from Emperor’s Club V.I.P on line 3 for you!” we’ve had to look elsewhere for entertainment. We were flipping through the Hollywood issue of Vanity Fair the other day and came across Ingrid Sischy’s piece on the Palazzo Chupi, Julian Schnabel’s ulcer-pink stuccoed Venetianoid building in the West Village. Seeing as the remaining units range from $27 to $32 million, the spread is as close as we will ever get to checking out the details inside, so we took a look. It is charming, in its way, though it looks about as Venetian as Alec Guiness looked Saudi in Lawrence of Arabia. But great eyeliner! Anyway, tastes more refined than ours also took a look: Johnny Depp, Martha Stewart, and Madonna have all wandered through. The latter, however, liked the building more than the view: According to Sischy, Madonna looked out at Richard Meier’s Perry Street tower across the way and declared that compared to Chupi, it looked like a housing project. Meow!
PLEASE TRANSFER FUNDS IMMEDIATELY…
As luck would have it, the very next day we found a possible solution to our Chupi-less living situation, right there in our inbox! “HELLO DEAR,” the note began warmly, “I HAVE A CONTRACT FOR YOU.” It continued on: “I WAS GIVEN CONTRACT TO DESIGN AND BUILD A STATE UNIVERSITY, FOR THE STATE, I GOT YOUR EMAIL FROM ARCHITECTURAL WEBSITE.” We calculated that our cut of cut of this $40,000,000 project in Nigeria is 40 percent, which gets us halfway to a duplex! Problem is, we are a gossip columnist, not an architect, and so just as Mr. Chris Chinedu of Current Technologies needs our help with a little bank transfer (and design skills, natch), we need yours, dear readers! We’ll cut you in at half—just send along your contact and banking information, and your social security number, and we’re in business!
SEND GOSSIP AND BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION TO EAVESDROP@ARCHPAPER.COM